| trying to get creative juices flowing |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|10:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elliot smith | ] |
Day 2...Look at the Flowers.
Think of childhood experiences that left lasting impressions on you, either positive or negative. You are going to freewrite for 10 minutes about the experience.
Keep in mind the following principles of freewriting....
1.) Write quickly without thinking about what you want to say before you say it. Just write.
2.) Don't censor yourself. Don't fix sentences that have grammatical errors. If you write something that sounds stupid, don't worry about it.
3.) Relax and have fun. Let the memories flood back, and capture what you can on the page. Now freewrite for 10 minutes.
Seeing What You Said
Now read it over and mark lines or passages that surprise you or that you find particularly interesting. Were you surprised at how much you remembered? Did you feel a kind of exhiliarating rush as the writing ran out ahead of you? Did you give yourself freedom to write nonsense, or were you constantly self-conscious? |
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| secret guns n roses fan |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|10:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
i should be studying. i have a test tomarrow and i really havent done enough studying. i am just going back to my old habits. i want a job working with kids. i want that happiness and joy and playfulness back in my life. i want it but i cant take the steps to acheive it(am i failure already)?!ok i cant start to beat myself up about this--its only the f irst test-and i sort of DO know some of the material. it might go better then i hope (cross your fingers).but you know i can change this--my study habits-my life. i really can. (am scared too).i just have these *HUGE* doubts right now. doubts about passing, about being ANYTHING i want to be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gnr-estranged | ] |
something wonderful is going to happen soon. something ive never done or experienced and i am sooo excited! i cant waite! going to some place ive never been. in the sun and sand and on a ship! the bad part is that i need to wear a bathing suit-which i am sure no one wants to see me in (YUCK)!need to search around for one that hides my *HUGE* thighs and stomache (maybe ill just wear a paper bag)!
ok back to all the exciting stuff--sun, sand, umbrella drinks, HOT men,sun, beaches, warm water, scuba diving, swimming with dolphins, umbrella drinks, HOT man....... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|02:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
IVe got my job back. Which I am excited about. But theres one hitch. I will need to be moved from shoes to kids. I was sort of shocked when i found out, but i am just happy theyve let me come back. So i go in tomarrow! Which excites me and gets me all motivated to do an AWESOME job!
Wish me luck |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|12:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| You Are a Dreaming Soul | 
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
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| excited about class tonight |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|04:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
my class starts tonight. im sort of excited. excited to get back into school. i know it seems odd for me to say such a statement but really it will keep my mind off things. i wont be stuck inside my head that much. and this means that my goal will be closer. the goal of becoming a teachers aid or a teacher or work in a daycare. i really really miss working with kids. so i have made a decision that thats what i want to strive to do. |
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| cant stop updating-please someone help me! |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|06:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elliot smith | ] |
"Be so happy with the way you are/Be so happy that you made it this far/Go on be happy now. Please be happy now" - Jason Mraz
Yes. Let the Universe bring me what She will,
and I will laugh and say thank you for all of it.
--Bonnie Smith
we need to think like this more. to just be happy with what we have. and i know we live in a world OBSESSED with material things, but really what matters is who we love and who loves us back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|05:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elliot smith | ] |
What do you love about yourself?
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| why does it always happen to me? |
[Jan. 15th, 2006|05:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cocteau twins-ice pulse | ] |
is it wrong for me to be so wrapped up in a man ill never know and who will never love (lust)me back? i mean why should i bother? why should i waste my time in thinking and wondering and lusting after i man who i may never get to know? isnt that just a waste of energy? (YES!)
i just connected with him--through his movie of course, and now i am here lusting after him. its stupid and it always happens. its a way for me to escape whats really going on in my life. to escape my feelings and thoughts. to sit around and obsess about a man i may never know or become friends with.
its my little secret--this lusting and obsession. everyone would think i was nuts(ive already been in the nut house). so i cant let it out that whenever i am online i check google to see if there are any pics or articles about him.(even though his movie came out 2 years ago). so i check out the internet for any piece of info i can get on this man--im lusty for every thought he has and every word he pronounces. (maybe i should go back into the "nut house")
if i ever meet him i dont know what i would say without sounding like a "scary fan" (think "pink lady")whose just yearning to be his friend and be apart of his life. and really why would he let me in-knowing that i sit around and watch his movie ("on a loop for 3 days")or check the internet any chance i get to see if there is any new news about him. in reality he shouldnt be my friend--he should run the other way if and when he ever seems me(maybe harsh but true). |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|12:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
theres a party tonight-ok more like a gathering, and a bunch of people are going to be there. some i havent seen since coming to visit me at the hospital. sitting here right now thinking about it i have mixed emotions about it. i am sort of nervouse to see them all. i know its ridiculous to feel anxious about such a thing, but well i wonderf how they will act toward me(differently), how they will treat me (differently),? |
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| Friday the 13th |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|03:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the new pornographers | ] |
looking back on this past week i dont know how it got THAT bad. My mood, my life just plummeted down. I couldnt handle the lies anymore-the no desire to go back to work, the paraniod feeling of not being able to tell anyone about my skipping work, being "ON GUARD" constantly and knowing that every day I skipped work Id have to "cover my tracks" and lie to the ones I love (about what I did that day). So through all that I was hiding or maybe not hiding good enough the fact that I was beating myself up for all this "sneaking" and "lying". I couldnt face one more day full of lies. Where did my life go (since now its covered and all about lies)?
On a really lowly point of my week or month or however long it had been I decided to take matters into my owns hands(just stop making the wrong choices and failing and lying).
But it wasnt my time to go-so now I am here and much braver and (a little)happier then when I started off. And I know who I can count on and who I can run to when things get tough(they are many people).
So I am back from my destructive binge(and actually able to talk about it) and I THANK all of you who lent me there shoulders to cry on! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|04:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
i cant go around lying anymore. i cant. my therapist wont let me. what can i say about the truth. i dont have any real reason why i did it. just didnt want to go. stupid. childdish. spoiled. i dont know how people will react and thats what scares me the most. i mean is this the last straw and will people just throw away our friendship? i dont want to loose anyone-i cant loose anyone. they are all i have (ok that sounds desperate even to me)!maybe i want you to yell and scream and throw me out! i dont want to be cuddled or pawed. all i want is someone else to be angry with me as much as i am angry with myself. i cant even tell you how angry the lying and the skipping work has made me-i really cant. i just sit around all day and beat myself up-just cant shake how awful and angry i feel.
(on the other hand i want to be held and know "its ok") |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|10:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | better then ezra | ] |
anyone else miss Six Feet Under?
 (and by the way hes as cute as he looks on tv IN PERSON!!!!
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| a little something for us to remember: |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|10:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cover of "ben folds five song" | ] |
"You never lose by loving. You always lose from holding back."
~ Barbara De Angelis
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. ~ Kate Hepburn
Greater love hath no man then this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~DR. SEUSS |
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| random post |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|10:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bright eyes-"first day of my life" | ] |
totaly romantic and cheesy, but if you ever get the chance to listen to Bright Eyes "first day of my life" you MUST! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|02:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | estranged guns n roses | ] |
playing with my new ipod-got a cool "mix" going on! (wow that was XTRA cheesy)
i know its only been 3 months of snow, but well i am already sick of it! whens the warm weather coming back??! i wanna wear tank tops and sandals and get TAN!
(ok i know you can get tan from a can,but still)! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|03:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
i should be in bed. i dont care. i dont want to work. i dont want to get up. i dont want to see anyone. just let me sleep. sleep through this year-the expectations the ones who love me have(the ones i am scared to fail or disapoint).
isnt this a depressive way to enter into a new year.
i have hopes and desires for this new year. branch out-get out-move out.
just strip away all the bullshit-everyones bullshit and LIVE (maybe even BE HAPPY). |
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